Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Funny Quotes



My tiara is giving me a headache
Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. (Chocolate understands)
Those who can, TEACH. Those who can’t pass laws about teaching.
I Have CDO. It’s like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be. 
I’ve had my coffee. You may speak.
4 out of 3 people struggle with math.
The Queen is not amused.
Well, another day has passed and I didn’t use algebra once.
It was me. I let the dogs out.
Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should just get used to the idea.
I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

Humor Writing is Serious Business

by Cappy Hall Rearick

Living in the real world doesn’t mean that each and every day we trot down Smiley Face Road grinning to high heaven. Nor does it mean we need therapy for depression. What the real world offers to writers is the ability to write about dark days in a humorous way.

Is this an easy thing to accomplish? I don’t think so. If it were, then I suspect we would be a much happier bunch and there would be no need to tune into late night television for an end of the day giggle or two.

Take it from me, humor writing in general does not come easily. It takes practice and it takes knowing your audience. Because it is so subjective, humor writing also takes sensitivity. You might decide to do a piece about your old Aunt Gertrude who suffers from dementia. You (and others) will surely enjoy exchanging stories about Aunt Gert who insists on being called Queen Elizabeth, but keep in mind that she is still a person, so be kind. 

There are some subjects you may NOT write about in a humorous way. Tragedies such as 9-11, the Sandy Hook massacre, the Parkland school shooting and thing like that. They are all taboo. Don’t even think about going there. Better you should choose Aunt Gert’s queenly obsession.
We all have issues; we all worry about things that may never materialize. Worrying is what we do. Writers can learn to humorize some of the experiences even when realizing that putting it down on paper won’t make the bad stuff go away. What it can do, however, is help us (and others) get through tough times.

I attended my uncle’s military funeral and it was messed up from the get-go. The soldiers looked like army rejects and could not even fold the flag properly. It looked to me like they were just practicing. The sergeant made them start over and re-fold that flag three different times before allowing it to be presented to the widow, who by that time was crying so hard they could have given her a basket of folded laundry and she wouldn’t have noticed.

I'm sorry my uncle died and even sorrier that his final service was not as exemplary as his service was to this country. But when I recall that funeral, I hear the 21-gun salute that sounded like Fourth of July firecrackers and Taps played on a tape recorder sitting on the front seat of a pick-up truck. One of these days, I will write about that funeral but I’ll not make it about death. I’ll write about human nature and how we are apt to mess things up—even funerals.

Ministers often use one-liners in their sermons when they want to make a serious point while getting a smile from the congregation. Example: “Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.” I so wish I had thought of that line.

I once wrote a piece after I found a lump in my breast. I called it “A Lump in the Mashed Potatoes.” I was not making light of breast cancer; I was writing about how my fear transformed itself into an overwhelming craving for chocolate. I took an otherwise serious subject and used it to take the edge off my and every woman’s worst fear.

In this class, we will focus on bringing out humor in an otherwise humorless situation. We will also learn how and when to use certain words that are known to be inherently funny. Vaudeville tradition holds that words with the letter K are funny.

A 2015 study at the University of Alberta suggested that the humor of certain nonsense words can be explained by whether they seem rude. Oxymorons can accomplish the same goal. Are you clearly confused? Think about it. Maybe you're looking to be seriously funny or my personal favorite from way back. "Microsoft Works." If you don't get that, see me after class and I'll enlighten you. 

I once wrote a humor column that consisted almost totally (there I go with the oxymoron again) of clich├ęs.    

Some words are just funny while others are not. Alka Seltzer is funny. You say 'Alka Seltzer' you get a laugh. Words with 'k' sounds are funny. Casey Stengel, that's a funny name. Bob Taylor is not funny. Cupcake is funny. Tomato is not funny. Cookie is funny; cucumber is funny. Car keys. Cleveland ... Cleveland is always funny. Maryland is not funny. 

(http://www.boredatuni.com/words.php?letter=K)
http://monkeypickles.com/funny-nonsense/funny-articles/words-that-start-with-k/

Then, there's chicken. Chicken can be funny. Pickle can be funny. Cockroach is funny – not if you get 'em, only if you say 'em.

Dave Barry said, "A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge." This is something you need to keep in mind as you attempt to write humor in hopes of producing a smile, a giggle or a belly laugh. You won't make everyone laugh by what you write, but consider yourself a success if just one person thinks it is worth a grin.

“There is not a shred of evidence to support the theory that life is meant to be serious.”